Trigger Warning: Content may not be suitable to some audiences. Viewer discretion advised.
After topping the charts in debut album, Blue Hour, just after its release last October, Los Angeles-based pop vocalist, Mothica released her next single on the tenth anniversary of the day she attempted suicide. “forever fifteen” not only shares her story, but has become another chapter in her music journey that shows her growth from her past.
Starting off the track, an electric guitar harmonizes with Mothica’s crisp vocals and sharp visuals of her journey through self-destruction, addiction, alcoholism, and ultimately her attempt to end her life when she was only fifteen years old.
“I was assaulted by my youth pastor when I was thirteen,” she shared on social media. “And after that, I became incredibly self-destructive– drinking and doing dr*gs, and being around older men that would buy me alcohol, which is what that [he said, ‘love that you’re fifteen’/ten shots of whiskey/he brought to my bedside/said ‘now you’ll be all right’] song lyric is about. My first experiences with men were not consensual, and I didn’t feel like I should be alive anymore. I really hurt myself. I kept drinking and doing dr*gs for the next ten years. Now, I’ve been sober for like a year and a half, and I get to share this story.”
The lyrics are simple and plosive, hitting listeners right in the gut with emotion. Just as it conveys her journey, “forever fifteen,” is incredibly relatable to many people who are struggling with feelings of isolation and depression; those who in their darkest moments feel like they won’t be missed should they disappear from the world.
Making the track all the more meaningful, Mothica asked fans to submit their stories to show that they are not alone in the journey. “I wanted to hear from other people that may have gone through something similar,” she states in her official lyric video. “People can say that you’re not alone a thousand times, but it doesn’t feel that way until you can see it all laid out– all of the faces.” Fans who submitted bared their souls for the sake of opening up and healing from trauma and pains of their past.
The music video displaying the submissions in its fullest have yet to be released. Here is what she had to say about the lyric video she dropped to show a sneak peek of what the video will entail: “I wanted to do something special for the 10 year anniversary of my own experience so I asked my followers to share their story with me. This is the behind the scenes look at some of the 2,163 submissions. The final music video will have more photos!”
What Mothica did in taking personal story submissions not only attaches fans to the song all the more, it shows anyone who is enduring depression or suicidal thoughts that they really aren’t alone. Depression is a monster that constantly whispers lies into the mind, over and over, until you believe them and lose faith in others, and ultimately lose faith in yourself. Most of the time, people suffering with depression and suicidal thoughts need more than someone telling them they’re not alone. They need to see for themselves how much they would be missed should they choose to give in to the lies depression embeds in the mind.
Stay tuned for the official music video. Mothica will also be releasing an EP in March. Stream “forever fifteen” now, available on all streaming platforms: