We spoke with the rising alternative pop phenom, Ari Abdul, about her process into her upcoming album, why she stopped writing songs for TikTok trends, and the two years behind the creation of her music.
Ari Abdul has charged into the scene with a newfound confidence and edge. Since releasing her viral debut, “BABYDOLL,” and over the course of the last four years, the Brooklyn-born artist plunges further into the shadowy, trip-hop-inflected sound she’s cultivated; from it she showcases a more raw, unfiltered side to her songwriting.
This new chapter marks the latest evolution for an artist whose career began almost entirely by accident. Growing up, she was a self-described Tumblr fangirl. Abdul immersed herself in the music of The 1975, Lana Del Rey, The Neighbourhood, Melanie Martinez, and Arctic Monkeys. However, she never imagined herself becoming an artist. After high school, a close friend brought her into his studio and encouraged her to try writing a song. The result was 2022’s “BABYDOLL,” Abdul’s first-ever single. The song went viral on TikTok and quickly earned her a cult following. This led to a record deal, her first-ever live performance at Lollapalooza, two EPs, and a tour with Nessa Barrett.
Ari’s sound is also rooted in the musical melting pot she grew up around in Brooklyn. Her mother was born in Ecuador and her father in Costa Rica, and she was raised on Latin pop and New York hip-hop. Her older brothers introduced her to niche and underground artists. This fueled a curiosity for music outside the Top 40 that would ultimately shape her own musical identity.
Four years after releasing a debut single she never expected anyone to hear, Abdul has grown into a more assured songwriter and artist; and music not only gave her a purpose but also an outlet to truly find herself.
We had a chance to chat with her about the process she went through into evolving to who she is today. Keep reading to dive in!
What would you be doing instead if it wasn’t music?
This is an awesome question, because I never knew what I wanted to do. Even before getting into music, I didn’t think I was going to do music. I had no idea. And I remember another core memory: I remember sitting in high school in economics class, and we’re getting this lecture about making money and savings and making smart future decisions regarding careers, and I remember sitting there thinking, what the hell am I going to do? How am I going to make money?
And I was kind of panicking, because I was definitely almost just a super negative teenager. I guess my senior year of high school I was just like, no more reaching for the stars. After high school, it’s over. I’ve got to get an office job or something. But I graduated high school and went to college right after, studying broad business marketing. No idea what I was going to do. I was like, you know what, I could get a degree in this and find something.
But although I didn’t have any idea what I was going to do or what I wanted to do, I knew it had to be creative. I always loved the creative side of things, making things creative. And funny enough, my entire life I’ve always loved art, but not necessarily in the music form. I’ve always envisioned myself doing more like graphic design…or even animation, anything.
It was so funny, because I’ve been through so many phases of different forms of art that were not music. I just think that’s the funniest thing ever to me, because I didn’t even think that was an option for me. Growing up, I was really good at drawing and painting, or at least I like to think so, when I was really young. And so I was like, I don’t know what I want to do, but it has to have some creative aspect. At one point I wanted to be an animator. Really random. But everything happened the way it did. And then apparently word on the street is I could sing. So then I got into music.
Considering your love for the visually creative arts, how does that cross over into your music today?
Everything’s subjective, but I like to think, at least for my stuff, that I have such a specific vision and eye, and a specific taste palette for what it should look like. Every time I’m making a song, too, I can almost… and I don’t know what this is, but it’s like daydreaming. There’s a word for it, but I almost daydream in my head listening to music, and I can see a visual for it.
I can see a music video. I can see the colors of the song that I’m making, but I feel like that plays a huge part. I’ve always been really into seeing things rather than hearing them. I guess that’s also ironic in itself, because I have the worst vision ever. But I can see it in my head. But yeah, I’m wearing these- and they’re very real- bottle-cap glasses, so maybe that’s a part of it. I have bad vision, so I can see it in my head, and my brain is maybe making up for that fact, haha!
You also said you had a business marketing background as well, but business marketing, music, and an artist’s visual story, they all go hand in hand, right?
Yeah. No, absolutely. I mean, I could get so nerdy about it. But looking at things from the marketing perspective was almost the death of me, I think, a year or two ago. I started really looking at myself as a brand: Ari Abdul. Then I got really addicted to being like: oh, the marketing, the visuals, and what does Ari look like? And what are her videos, and when you think of her, what are her outfits? Then it was kind of the death of me, because I was like, wait, I’m Ari. I’m just kind of making myself…
And I think this is actually a perfect example of my new music, too. So many of the songs on this upcoming project are so about that: making yourself anything just for validation. It’s like self-objectification without even really thinking about it. Kind of falling into that cycle of not really putting yourself first, and falling into a self-destruction spiral because you’re trying to self-discover. So I feel like that actually leads perfectly into where I am in life. But yeah, I had to kind of shy away from my marketing brain because of that and be like, “Wait, I’m alive and I’m a person.”
It’s interesting that you had that sense of disassociation between your artist self and your private self. Do you find yourself doing that in your performances as well, and whenever you talk with fans?
I love that you bring that up, because I 100% do it when I’m performing, to the point where sometimes I look back at videos and I’m like, I did that? I’m rolling on the floor and being all sexy, and I’m like, what is going on here? But no, it’s honestly really comical. And this is one of my favorite things; I think the human brain is so interesting.
I genuinely have the worst stage fright, public speaking fear, huge, to the point where, for the semester and a half I was in college, one of the requirements was a communications public speaking class, and I feel like the reason why I didn’t go further into my college journey is I kept failing that class, because I kept dropping it. I could not do this class. The idea of standing in front of a lecture room of… and mind you, these lecture rooms were 25 people. They’re really small, intimate classes for public speaking, but I would get full-body anxiety, and I just couldn’t do it. I would shake uncontrollably. I remember being in my brain like, “Wait, why can’t I speak in front of people? Why am I so nervous?”
So I think it’s really funny that I couldn’t pass this public speaking class, and now I’m performing on stages in front of rooms that have 10 times the amount of people in that classroom. But yeah, before I go on stage, it’s like a switch in my head. I even tell people, “Oh, I’m nervous,” or, “I was nervous,” and they’re like, “No, you’re lying. You look so natural. You were going crazy.” And so I feel like it’s really interesting, because there is this kind of huge switch when I’m on stage. But when I’m speaking with people at shows, I feel like it’s just me. And it’s really funny, because sometimes I get embarrassed, because I’m like, I’m such a nerd. I’m trying to be cooler. I’m trying to be so much cooler.
Getting more into that, is there anything specific that you feel like you get imposter syndrome over while doing, especially with music?
That’s a great question. I always hit these points where I’m like, wait, who am I? What am I doing? This makes no sense. But again, I feel like I definitely hit that point really bad a year or two ago, funny enough, before working on this upcoming album. I was like, wait, I don’t know who this is. I honestly feel more like myself than ever now, which is interesting. And I feel like I found that recently, and it’s helped so much with the stuff I’m writing now. But yeah, I think a year or two ago, I was just so confused. I was like, am I becoming an alt person? Am I alt? Am I pop? What is going on?
But can’t you be a little bit of both? It kind of seems like you became a little bit of both, right?
Exactly. But back to the imposter syndrome bit; it’s funny, because I feel like my therapist would say things and I would feel like I just got completely clocked, and I’d be like, “How does she know?” And I would just realize things. But the number one thing I think I learned, and I’m so comfortable sharing this, too, is she was like, “You’re so mean to yourself.” She was like, “Why are you so hard on yourself? You don’t have to be this critical.” And I think that’s my biggest thing: I’m such a critic. It’s like if I was a Rotten Tomatoes page, all my reviews would only be by me, and it’d all be the green 1% review of myself. It’s actually really bad, for no reason.
It seems like you’ve also been figuring out a way to face imposter syndrome though. How do you think that’s helped you shift your voice as an artist, and helped channel that into your new album and your new music?
Well, I honestly used to gatekeep my process so much. I really was hard on myself when it came to making music and putting in so many elements to make it work on TikTok. I was always thinking that it just has to work on TikTok. And I would stay up researching: What are people into? What’s hot right now? What other songs are trending that people are into? And how do I draw inspiration from that? It needs to sound like this, because this is the hot new genre right now.
I feel like I used to be so obsessed with finding things like that and being like: “Okay, it needs to be like this.” Just as an example (I haven’t done this, but I think this is just an example): say alternative music is really big. I’ve made alt songs, so it’s not a proper example, but say I didn’t make alternative music, and I was like, alt is really big, I need to make that right now. What are these different things going on?
I feel like I was so hooked, and really critical of myself, being like, I need to fit that box. I felt like I needed to make something that people are going to want, and if it’s not right, they’re not going to listen to it, this and that. And I was so shackled down by that mindset, because there was a point where I was making music that I liked, and it was good, and it had elements that felt like me, because at the end of the day it’s coming from my brain. It’s still me. But it didn’t feel truly authentic, because I was thinking more about what’s going to satisfy the listener rather than what it’s saying to me. What is the art behind it for me? And I feel like I was going through that for so long.
Honestly, finding my people here in LA that I work with religiously now has really gotten me out of that, because instead of being like, this is the hot new topic, the song needs to sound like this… We just get in this room, and everything we’ve been making, everything on this project, is the complete opposite, where it’s truly: what do I want to talk about? Let’s make a song out of that. This beat is cool. Not even thinking about that side of things, and just things coming from the inside out. More than ever, it just feels like me, and it still itches my brain. And instead of being like, everyone’s not even going to listen to this song, it’s going to do nothing, it’s more like, you know what, if it finds someone, that’s better than not having that same feeling.
And you mentioned that shift in the creative process for you as well. Tell me a little bit more about how that creative process shifted, and the mindset you were in when you were creating your upcoming album.
I feel like I was just getting so fatigued by seeing what was working. I mean, again, this is something I used to gatekeep, and now I just say it to everyone I meet: it’s such a nerdy thing, too, as small as seeing what is trending right now on social media. What’s it sound like? Is it organic? Alternative? Is there a beat drop there? What words are people using? It’s the nerdiest thing ever. But it’d be implementing all of those things to kind of make a song. And I mean, being in that mindset, it becomes less and less of you if you’re not making music from the heart, if that makes sense.
Was there something that you discovered about yourself in that process, especially lyrically, in that transition?
Well, here’s another thing. Another huge thing is, of course, I say this story a million times, but I got into music accidentally. I don’t come from a big… you know, it’s not like I majored in poetry or I was the best creative writer growing up. I actually was the opposite; I failed creative writing. And I remember growing up, the teachers just being like, “This makes no sense.” Which is really ironic now, because all I do is write music. But yeah, I don’t even know… having put myself in that box before, and not being able to fully write what I wanted to write and say, this is so freeing.
I actually used to be hard on myself. I used to tell myself I’m not a good writer as I was starting music, and I used to be so insecure when I got in sessions with highly regarded writers, because I’d be like, they’re going to make fun of me, because I’m going to say something and they’re going to think it’s not that good. So I used to be really bashful about writing things, and I’d be really quiet and keep it to myself. Or I’d write a song, and then after teasing it online, I’d be like, “Oh my god, what if they hate what I’m saying here, what I wrote here?”
But I feel like I found so much confidence in letting go of… I feel like at the end of the day, everything I’m saying just leads back to thinking about what others will think. This is everything I’m trying to say. But I feel like in letting that go, I’ve become so much more confident in my own writing, and in saying my story through these songs. I’ve just been writing so much, and I feel like I have a new life, a newfound confidence.
I love hearing that. Was there anything else that you maybe uncovered in that process that surprised you?
But I’m just so excited for this project, for this album, because it took two years to put together. Just to give a timeline, too: I got into music in 2022. I felt good. I was making music.
And then I would say 2023 to mid-2024 was imposter syndrome. What am I doing? Everyone’s going to hate the music. Do I release this song? Who am I? Literally so lost. I feel like that was the start of my frontal lobe developing, but I don’t think it’s done yet. But I remember waking up one day with full-body anxiety, being like, where am I? How’d I even get here?
And then the end of 2024 is when we officially started the process of making a project, and going through so many changes. I’ve been touring and doing so much, and also learning so much during that process as well, starting the whole album-making process. I feel so different. I feel like I’ve aged 100 years, but not in a bad way, like I’m really old, I’m decaying now. More like I feel so much wiser now. But I guess it makes sense, because that’s the jump from early 20s to mid-20s. It’s the craziest thing ever.
I felt like I was dying when I was 23 last year; like it was the worst year of my life. I think it’s just a mental thing. Being 23 is the scariest thing ever. But we’re about to be 25. I’m confident in what I do, and yeah, I’m just so proud of this project, because the whole thing is almost like the biggest part of me ever. They’re all the most raw, unfiltered, vulnerable I think my songs have ever been. And yeah, so I’m super excited, and I just love it.
Do you have a favorite song that you wrote on the album?
Yeah. They’re all like my children. It’s hard to choose a favorite. And again, I feel like the coolest thing ever is being able to have so much time, just being really patient and taking so much time with it. At this point there have been so many songs I took off, moved, changed, altered. So truly, the songs on this record are all my favorite. But if I had to choose one… this is really hard, because every time someone asks me, it’s always a different one. But I’m just going to go off of what I feel. I feel like the next single, which actually comes out this month, is one of my all-time favorites. It’s called “fmtylm.”
It is an abbreviation for “F*** me till you love me,” which sounds so vulgar, and I think it’s funny because it sounds so vulgar, but it’s the complete opposite. It’s probably one of the most depressing songs I’ve made. It’s about being backstabbed. And I feel like as a woman in entertainment, and also in general growing up, and I mean, it doesn’t even have to come down to gender, it could just be anything, I feel like as we grow, there’s always some backstab, or realizations, or being taken advantage of, from different aspects. So I feel like I was inspired by all of that, but especially inspired by being a young woman that just got into music, and meeting a bunch of new people in LA when I moved over here.
There have been so many things that happened. I live with no regrets, but so many things happened in my life that I feel like inspired this song about being stabbed in the back. And funny enough, it sounds vulgar, but growing up, my dad would say this really funny thing when anything went wrong. He’d be like, “They f***ed me.” And it’s so vulgar. And you think about this guy with the craziest Brooklyn accent saying this when anything goes wrong. So I felt heavily inspired by that.
And it’s like, people love you the most when they’re able to f*** you over, or screw you over. When they are able to use you as a doormat is when they love you most. So it means a lot to me. I really do love that song. I feel like it’s dark, and it’s really cool, and it sets the tone perfectly for this upcoming project.
Okay, that’s really interesting. It just made me think of boundary setting and the process of boundary setting, especially with people that you love. Did you feel like you had to go through that at any point in your life?
I mean, I love that you brought that up. And also, this is feeling like the most vulnerable interview ever. I love this so much. But I was so bad at setting boundaries. I didn’t know how to set boundaries at all. There are so many things I used to do that I literally didn’t know weren’t normal. And it actually wasn’t until I got in my relationship with Ella in late 2024 that she was like, “This is not normal.”
I was giving so much of my energy towards different things, or people, or just situations that I didn’t want to be in, but I’d be so scared to let anyone down. Especially, I feel like, entertainment is such a… it’s this mindset where it’s like, I can’t let anyone down. I can’t let the fans down. I can’t let this thing down. So you kind of just give yourself, and you kind of forget that you’re a human, too. And again, this goes back to the brand thing.
You’re not just that. And I feel like I was so bad at setting boundaries. There was a point where I was just saying yes to everything, because I was like, everyone’s going to love working with me because I say yes to everything. And so I did not know how to set boundaries. There was this really scary time where I was like, just say yes to everything. It’s the best thing; people like that more. But it really changed my life to say no and realize that you can literally say no to things, also.
Yeah. And also, this isn’t a tea-spilling session. It’s such a general thing. I could also use the example of going out to a dinner, and they’re ordering a pizza, and they’re like, “You have to eat pizza.” And instead of being like, “I can’t have pizza, I’m lactose intolerant,” I feel like old Ari would be like, “You know what? I’m going to let them down if I don’t eat this cheese,” and f*** myself over later. But yeah, I mean, it could be as little as that.
But there have been so many times… I remember, for example, doing old photo shoots, and it would be the craziest outfits ever that were not me, but I didn’t know how to say no. And I also didn’t know who I was, so I’d just be like, “Let’s do it. It’s going to be sick.” But yeah, learning to say no, and having that support system, because I definitely didn’t do it on my own. I feel like meeting people, meeting the right people who have my safety in mind as well, has changed my life.
That’s great that you’re finding those people. And it sounds like the answer is learning to say no. And that’s pretty simple, but such a complicated process at the same time, right? What is a tool that you learned to protect your energy?
I mean, I think the craziest example I have of missing out, and just the feeling of FOMO, or missing out on opportunities, is between 2022 and 2023, when I was first starting. I didn’t understand boundaries. And I didn’t understand how important energy is, and how almost debilitating it could feel to have your energy drained.
As soon as I started making music and found a little success, the phone started ringing: “Come out with us. You need to come here. You need to meet these people.” And there was a year period in the very beginning where every single day I was going, because I was like, what if something important happens? What if there’s a crazy opportunity, or I meet someone, or something happens?
But I remember driving home with this old friend of mine and literally just starting to sob. Literally sobbing, and I didn’t know why. I was like, I don’t know what’s going on. And then I literally just stopped draining my energy, and I was like, that makes sense.
To follow up on that, do you have advice for somebody who maybe wants to find that balance between seizing those opportunities and protecting their energy?
Here’s my thing. I truly believe in divine timing. I believe everything happens for a reason. And I completely understand. I feel like it’s universal to feel FOMO. I honestly envy people who don’t get FOMO, and they’re like, “I’m tired. I’m just going to go to bed tonight.” But I feel like divine timing is right.
And the biggest thing to always pay attention to is your body and your health and your energy and your mind. The most important things are your mind, and taking care of your health is so important. And I feel like, listen to your body. Don’t overdo it. And divine timing, I feel like, will always work out.
If you’re meant to have that opportunity, it’ll happen. If not, it’s not the end of the world. I’m honestly overly optimistic nowadays, but I love thinking of it in the way of: if you miss out on an opportunity, that’s because the better one’s coming. So yeah, I think my advice is truly just listen to time and be patient. And anything you set your mind to, you will accomplish, but you have to be patient. It’s divine timing.
Do you think you’ve gotten better at knowing who Ari is, separate from what other people want Ari to be?
Yeah, absolutely. Again, going back, I feel like I had almost that huge identity crisis, and I feel like it was an identity crisis mixed with a weird existential realization of, wait, how did I get here? I feel like I dissociated my way here. Like, wait, I’m here, what the hell do I do now? I feel like it was a huge mix of that.
But I feel like now there’s Ari Abdul, there’s Ariana. I’m Ariana. And I feel like I have a great balance currently of Ari Abdul and me, and just having my energy placed in the right ways. I won’t say I’m perfect. I’m definitely not. It’s not like everything is rainbows and butterflies now and I figured it out and this is the end. But yeah, I feel like everything in life, and I’m sure everyone will experience it, is just finding yourself, and who you really are, and different parts of yourself.
Stay tuned for more updates on Ari Abdul! The upcoming album is available for pre-save; don’t forget to do that and listen to it when it goes live 😉